Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
When I was young, I got bullied by two kids, and whenever I got hit to the ground, I would get back up and cry. Then I had the courage to fight back, except they didn't get back up.
Hey, how ya doin'?
Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.
Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.
Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.
Why are we still fighting in darkness?
"Mission failed, soldier, we will get 'em next time."
So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.
This anorexic girl wanted to fight me. I told her that I would roast her, but she didn't have any meat.
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
Why couldn't Professor Xavier fight Magneto? Because he couldn't stand up for himself.
I'm the champion of this site. I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary Buddha.
Now for my joke...
Why does Peter Pan always fly?
Because he never lands.
God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.
Mom says: "I will go kill myself."
Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*
Some time later me fighting with my mom:
Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"
Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"
Lesson?
So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
I got in a cage fight.
The hamster didn't know what hit him!
Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?
He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
You and your sister always get into a fight and she says, "I don't care." Then you say right away, "About you!"
