Fight jokes

Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.

He won’t stand against the three of us!

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.

After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.

"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.

"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.

The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.

"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.

"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.

"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.

"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.

The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.

Two bald dudes were pulling each other's hair.

Alien vs Predator.

Cosby vs E.T.

Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?

Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.

I saw two blind men fighting at the mall. I yelled, "He has a gun!" They both ran.

I’ve just discovered that cock fighting is done with chickens.

12 months of training completely wasted.

Fight in the comments.

Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?

He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.

He was in a fight, then a person said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Why shouldn't you get in a fight with a dinosaur?

You'll get jur ass kicked.

Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!

Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:

Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂

Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.

Cashier: Sure!

Elderly man: Danke.

Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!

If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"

Did you know that former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.

And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.