Fight jokes

You want a pizza from me!!!!

What do you call two guys fighting over a slut?

Tug of whore.

Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.

And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.

So, I saw two homeless people on the road fighting. I said, "Stop fighting and go home." I guess it was a little insensitive.

Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.

Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.

Conor MacGregor to Poirier: "Your wife is your husband!"

(After the fight, or should I say after the fracture.)

Poirier: Really, bitch?

OK, guys, quick update, what is going on with Freshfry, Drew, and Alya?

All they're doing is fighting, and I want to put an end to it. So Freshfry, Drew, and Alya all need to read this, OK. First, Freshfry, you should've just said OK the first thing he said, and Drew... really? You had to keep egging him on. I don't know about Alya, but it's like cats and dogs fighting. Just please stop fighting :(

What do you call two homeless people throwing rocks at each other?

A pillow fight.

My cat got in a fight. It was a catastrophe.

God, those orphans were putting up such a fight, I had to lock 'em in the basement.

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

Only really smart people will get this without it being explained.

Toilet paper fight hat.

A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."

Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun?

Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.

The next woman who says she'd rather be alone in the woods with a bear, I'm throwing her in a pit with a bear and making her fight it with a wooden sword while drinking and singing "The Bear and the Maiden Fair."

"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"

"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"

"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).

What are the 2 fights Africa could never win?

A food fight and a water fight!

Naruto solos.

The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.

I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.