I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
If you die a virgin, then where does your v-card go? Does it go with you to the grave, or does your mortician take it from you?
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.
I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. -- I'm not really a mourning person.
Are you a grave, 'cause I want you on me?
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
Will glass coffins be a success? -- Remains to be seen.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? -- It was a grave mistake.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
SON: “Mommy, I found Daddy!”
MOM: “What did I tell you about digging in the garden?”
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
If you want to see my foes, bring a shovel and bring a map and a getaway car just in case we get caught.
The cemetery is so overcrowded.
People are just dying to get in.
I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.
When earthquakes hit, coffins become maracas underground.
Why do they bury Germans 20 feet down when they die, instead of the usual 6 feet? Because deep down, Germans are ok.
