Father jokes

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?

Nemo goes back to his father.

How are you and an orphan similar?

Both of your fathers are invisible.

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100100 01101111 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100010 01111001 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01110101 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101001 01110100 01110011 00100000 01100110 01100001 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00111111 00100000 01000100 01100001 01110100 01100001 00101110

Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?

Father Christmas left them.

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

I would like to die like my Islamic father, in his sleep, but not like the rest of the people in the plane or those in those identical towers.

Man #1: Pretend your age is a level, I am Level 20.

Man #2: My son died at level 4.

Man #1: Lol, your son is a noob.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.