I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.
The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.
How are you and an orphan similar?
Both of your fathers are invisible.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
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The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"
Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.
Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?
A-doll Hitler!
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?
Father Christmas left them.
One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.
I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."
TV: SCHOOL SHOOTING 13 DIED.
Father: Guns cause all these problems!
Kid playing FNAF security breach *bang* *Bang*
Kid: WOLF PU&EY WOLF PU^$Y WOLF PU*#Y
Why is it everyone wants to rub a pregnant woman's stomach but never the man's balls where the baby actually came from and the real ones that deserve the congratulations?
I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.
Man #1: Pretend your age is a level, I am Level 20.
Man #2: My son died at level 4.
Man #1: Lol, your son is a noob.
Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.
Joseph: No, they don't.
Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.
Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.
