Father jokes

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."

My great-great-great grandpa killed Hitler.

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

What does a mother fear most?

Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.

01010111 01101000 01100001 01110100 00100000 01100100 01101111 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100010 01111001 00100000 01100011 01101111 01101101 01110000 01110101 01110100 01100101 01110010 00100000 01100011 01100001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101001 01110100 01110011 00100000 01100110 01100001 01110100 01101000 01100101 01110010 00111111 00100000 01000100 01100001 01110100 01100001 00101110

The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"

Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?

Father Christmas left them.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

What did the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter?

A-doll Hitler!

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

Wanna know something the orphan could never do?

Wish anyone a happy Mother’s Day or Father’s Day.