Father jokes

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

I went to a birthday party and told dad jokes.

The jokes didn't go over well. I was asked to leave the orphanage.

How are you and an orphan similar?

Both of your fathers are invisible.

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.

Why does an orphan hate the ending of Finding Nemo?

Nemo goes back to his father.

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Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?

Father Christmas left them.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

Jamal: Dads CAN grow on trees, Joseph.

Joseph: No, they don't.

Jamal: Yes, they do. I've seen it.

Joseph: ... that's not what you thought it was.

I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.