Father jokes

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid.

Oh wait, I'm thinking of...

How are you and an orphan similar?

Both of your fathers are invisible.

I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.

Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."

My great-great-great grandpa killed Hitler.

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

Mommy, when will daddy come back?

I'm not your mom...

Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?

In case they get a hole in one!

A priest says to me, "Come up, my child." Then I said, "Do I know you? Because you're not my father."

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Just a joke: When Stephen Hawking fell over and hurt his leg, his dad said, "It'll get better, just walk it off!"

Why was my mate in "Mission: Impossible?" Because he couldn't find his dad.

I don't like 9/11 jokes because they always talk about how bad of a plane driver my dad is.

Why do orphans go to church so much?

So they can have someone to call father.

Mom: Can I tell you a joke?

Kid: Sure.

Mom: Knock knock.

Kid: Who's there?

Mom: Not yo.

Kid: Not yo who?

Mom: Not yo father.

Kid: Not yo husband either.

Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?

Father Christmas left them.

One day a father went out for some cold beer and threw the 18 pack in the back seat on top of the infant in the car seat. Fortunately, it was light beer.

I remember my dad's last words: "I met your father."

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.

So I had him bring my wife.