Father jokes
Orphan's prayer: In the name of the Father, The Son, The Holy Spirit. Amen.
What did the daddy bullet say to his son when he missed the bull and hit something brown and gross?
"That is bull crap!"
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
What's the difference between a boomerang and a Black father?
A boomerang comes back.
The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."
Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Why is Biden a priest?
So kids call him father.
A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."
A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphaned year?
Because they don’t have a father's or Mother’s Day.
What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have a mother's or father's day.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"
Person one: What did the DJ name his son?
Person two: IDK, what?
Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
A father awaits the birth of his first child.
The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandpa is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.
Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?
Child: I just felt like it.
The next day, the Grandma is dead.
Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.
Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!
Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!
Survives until tomorrow.
Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*
Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!
(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)
Bible Verse of The Day - For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, "Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
—Romans 8:15-16
I can tell why the Founding Fathers adopted the Constitution, because nobody likes it.
On my 21st Birthday, my mom told me, "I got a nice birthday present for you. As the son and only child, you're going to get something good, something you've been looking forward to," is what my mom said.
Me, my mom, and my only friend celebrated my Birthday, then we all went to sleep. I woke up the next day. I asked, "Hey, where's my gift you said you got me?" My mom said, "Since your father left us, you have no father figure in your life, so this is your new stepfather." The only thing is, it was my only friend.