Fate jokes
Why do orphans die so much?
'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."
There are three people on the steps of Heaven. God tells them all he is having a good day and if they make him laugh by telling him how they died, he will let them in.
The first one said, "I just finished a long day of work and I get home, and right as I stepped in, I knew my wife was cheating on me. I searched everywhere and I couldn’t find anybody, so I got a drink and went to the balcony, and then I saw him, hanging off the ledge of the balcony. I kicked his hands, but he wouldn’t fall, so I threw a Refrigerator at him, and I fell with the Refrigerator."
God busted out laughing and let him in.
The next person walked up and God told him the same thing he told the other person. God told him that he didn’t think that he could make him laugh more than the first person. The second guy said, "So get this, I’m a window washer on the 8th floor. I’m washing the windows like normal, and this enraged psychopath walks up and starts kicking my hands, and then he throws a refrigerator at me and I die."
God bursts out laughing so much to where he falls off his chair, and he lets the guy through. The next guy comes up and God tells him the same thing he told the last two people, and he tells him that there is no way that he can make him laugh more than the other two did. So he starts talking. "So get this, I’m in a refrigerator..."
One day an orphan threw a boomerang. It's not the only thing that didn't come back.
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
People in 1912: The Titanic is unsinkable!
Iceberg: Hold my beer.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
Why do we not have female magicians? Because last time we had them, we burned them alive.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Dark humor never gets old, like kids from Africa.
If messyourself was on the Titanic, he would die first.
People in 1912: "Titanic is unstoppable, even God couldn't sink this ship."
God: "Bet, where are my icebergs?"
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
What do you call an orphan when there 18?
Homeless.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Article 1: the Titanic is practically unsinkable.
Article 4: the Titanic sank.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
Ama is a bitch. I want him to die and kill himself.