Fat jokes

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

You're so ugly that when you were born, your mother asked, "How does my little treasure look?", and the doctor replied, "I think we should bury it immediately."

You're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

Yes, I have gained weight. I have also gained more brains. Do you want some? You talk like you definitely need some more.

You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.

You're so fat, when you went on the weighing scale, it said "to be continued."

Ur mama so fat she needs two watches because she's in different time zones.

"Joe Mama so fat she plays pool table the Earth."

Your mama is so fat, when her husband said, "Let's go to the Super Bowl," she bought a spoon.

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!

You are so fat that when you wear a yellow raincoat, a running person behind you shouted, "Taxi!"

You're so fat you sunk Captain Crunch's ship.

You're so fat your blood type is Nutella.

Mummy, how was I born?

Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."

Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.

Joe Mama so fat, when she told a joke nobody laughed, but the floor was cracking up.

Joe mama's so fat, her belly button gets home an hour before she does.

Yo momma so fat that she was used as a tank in Putin's war.

Yo momma so fat that she could fit the entire map of the world on her body.

Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat? Cut off your head.