So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
So I got asked why I suddenly started wearing a beret, and I said, "Well, you never know when you need to pick a lock."
Why are Trump's ties so long?
Because they go all the way to Russia.
What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common?
No ballroom.
What do you call an emo kid with light up shoes?
A human chandelier.
What was the last hat Princess Diana wore?
A bonnet.
After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he’ll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest.
What is a kidnapper's favorite shoe?
White Vans.
Why do Nazis not wear necklaces, rings, and bracelets? Because they hate jewelry.
What does a house wear?
A dress.
Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?
So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.
I went to go hang out with the emo kids, but they already did.
Whatever happened to the emo? (wrong answer only)
You look good with anything, but nothing works too.
What’s a kidnapper's favorite shoe brand?
White vans.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”
*Apple bottom jeans plays*
What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?
They both have something hanging in their closet.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.
