Fart jokes
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
What did the poo say to the fart:
You blow me away!
Your momma is so stupid, she farted and turned the radio on to cover up the smell.
What do you call it when a caveman does a fart?
A blast from the past!
What do you call a white man farting? "British Gas."
A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money.
Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole.
The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money.
The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money, you worthless old fart?”
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
Why did the cheetah need to fart on the lion? So he could win the race.
The great meme reset is like a fart. If you force it, it's gonna be shit.
Farts.
What’s the difference between a microwave and a 10 year old girl?
The microwave doesn’t fart out blood and diarrhea when you pull your meat out.
Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?
Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.
Why do women fart when they pee? To blow dry.
Someone cutting the cheese then farted.
Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"
Yo mama's such a milf, she deserves a tongue punch in the fart box.
Why are farts a nice break for emos?
They get to cut cheese.
What does the EPA issue when a person stinks up a room with their smelly farts?
Air quality alert code brown!
You should never suppress a fart. It travels up the spine high into the brain. That's where the shit ideas come from.
How to fart:
Let it go, let it go.
Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.