Family

Family jokes

Son

    • My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

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    • Son

    • I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

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    • Family memes

    Drunk man

    • A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

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    • Dildo

    • Many years of sex in the dark.

    The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"

    The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"

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    • Strip club

    • I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

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    • Balloon

    • "Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

    (Later)

    "Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

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    • Sibling

    • I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.

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    • Dad

    • Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.

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