What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.
What do vacuums and your mom have in common?
They both suck.
What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?
Sum ting wong.
I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.
You dirty-minded bastard!
Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I'd ever done.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
Many years of sex in the dark.
The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"
The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
