Family jokes
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it can never find home.
Why can't an orphan role-play Star Wars?
Because they have no one to play Darth Vader.
So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍
What’s the difference between your mum and your nan?
Your nan's a GILF!
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
What’s the difference between the twin towers and your parents?
Nothing, they are both just memories.
When an orphan takes a family photo, it’s called a selfie.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
You want to get her pregnant before marriage to know if she's fertile, so why not marry a single mother that already has proof?
Dad, I'm hungry.
Hi, hungry, I'm Dad! 👋🍪🍩🍬🌮🍔🍗🍟🍤🍉🍭🍫🍰
What's the difference between me and an orphan?
At least my dad came back.
Why don't orphans learn about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
TV Darth Vader: "I'm your father!"
Orphans: "Yea."
Your mum gay.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
"Hola soy Dora, do you see Donald Trump? That’s right, he’s at my house, and he’s building a wall to separate me and Caillou. And Mami won’t let him, so she was walled alive!"