🎆 New Year's Eve
Lil Johnny👦: „Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight“
Mom👱🏻♀️: „Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?“
Dad👨🏻🦰: „Son, if you don't leave, it‘ll bang on your head!“
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So I crashed the car.
What do altar boys and strippers have in common? Father issues.
What is an orphans favorat movie. Hint not home alone. Its actually bat man cuz they are 50% the same as him
the biggest inconvenience in 2001 i thought was my brother turns out it was 9/11 i guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was aluh aluckbar
this guy looked down the aisle and asked hey are those kids all yours an i replied: no i work for a condom company and these kids are just all of my complaints
If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there
i would make a dad joke, but i dont have a dad to joke about.
roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone to
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can i have some milk?" He waited for three hours to get an answer. His mom finally said: "No your dad still isn't back with it."
For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. his mom did too.
A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?' ''Yes madam......My daddy told me a story about my Mom " "OK, let's hear" said the teacher.
"My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit". "She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife". "She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops." "She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."
Pin drop silence in the class !!
''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?"
"Stay away from Mummy when she's drunk```......!!!!"
A child determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
what does an orphan and a bananna have in common? They both get split up.
me: im home ma heres her with a new dad her: go hang wit someone :me gets the noose goes to fav tree i love you ma 🙂
Alright kids! Find a good places to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
Muslim child to his mother "mom why is my backpack so heavy ?" Mom: "allah akbar my son allah akbar"
Why did the brother cross the road? Because The Sister Farted.
whats the difference between my mum and my dad
My mum stayed
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead
