Family jokes

Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.

My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.

Feminists: Correct.

Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?

I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"

Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."

Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.

Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.

Why can't orphans play online games? Because they don't have parents to sign them up.

A kid gets home from school and finds his mom and dad having sex. The kid asks, "What are you doing, Dad?" The dad replies, "Having sex with your mom, son," and he starts laughing.

The next day, Dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan. The dad shouts, "What the hell are you doing, son?" The kid replies, "It's not funny when it's your mom, is it?"

your mom

What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.

What do you call a grown-up orphan? Homeless.

Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.

What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?

Sum ting wong.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.

My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}

My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.

What do you call children born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product.

You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.