Family

Family jokes

Boy

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

  • 9
  • Dad

    What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.

  • 4
  • Sister

    Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.

    Memes

    Forehead

    Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.

    Jesus

    My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}

    Mom

    What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

    They both suck.

    Children

    Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

    Kid

    What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?

    Sum ting wong.

    Boy

    Why did the transgender girl want to be a boy?

    Because momma never raised no pussy.

    Incest

    The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.

    Trade

    Got a PS5 for my little brother yesterday, best trade I'd ever done.

    Dad

    You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.

    Abortion

    My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."

  • 1
  • Dildo

    Many years of sex in the dark.

    The wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick!"

    The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch!"

    Denephew

    A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"

    "You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."

    The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"

    The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."

    "What about the boy?" the woman asked.

    The doctor said, "Denephew."

    Euphemism

    Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"