Family jokes
Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."
Students: "oof"
Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"
Students: "Yeah, your parents."
My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.
I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."
Why can't orphans have a five-star GTA because they're not wanted?
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
Your adopted.
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.
Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.
Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.
My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.
What is an orphan's favorite quote in Star Wars?
"I am your father."
I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.
Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.
Why can't orphans play online games? Because they don't have parents to sign them up.