Family jokes
Why do orphans love boomerangs?
Because they come back.
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday.
I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?
Because he thought that she would leave him too.
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
An orphan goes to a doctor.
Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."
Orphan: "But why?"
Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."
"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
An apple gets picked.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
What is an orphan's favorite quote in Star Wars?
"I am your father."
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.