Family jokes
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.
Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?
A. The anti-Family Guy episode.
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
Yo mama's so dumb, when a robber stole her TV, she said, "You forgot the remote!"
Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
What school subject does an orphan love?
PE because they actually get picked.
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!