Family jokes
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
What do you call your son?
An mistake.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
He thought he saw his parents.
Oasis, am I right?
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't have a home.
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
Mom! (DYM 10)
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
What do orphans' parents have in common with Nemo?
They both can’t be found.
What's between an orphan and an apple tray?
The apples get picked.
Yo mama so stupid, when I told her she needed some cats, she came back with... CRASH, ARENA, TURBO STARS!
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.
I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.
Friend: You're adopted.
Orphan: At least I was chosen!
Friend: At least I was kept.
What does an orphan and a dog have in common?
Both got taken from their parents.
Why does an orphan play mum and dad?
'Cause they need self-love.
Your momma is so hairy that when you were born, you got rug burn.
Kidnapper: Hey kid, your parents told me to pick you up.
Kid: Sir, this is an orphanage.
Kidnapper: ...
What's the difference between your mom and a troll?
Nothing, they both look the same.
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.