Family jokes

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!

Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!

Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...

Your adopted.

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy.

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.

He just moved back in with his mom.

What happened when your parents dropped you off at the orphanage? They got sued for littering.

My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.

Feminists: Correct.

Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?

Kid: "Hey, are you an orphan?"

Friend: "Yeah, but you are too."

Kid: "At least my parents wanted me."

Your mom is so ugly. When she goes to the dentist, they make her face down.

I laughed when I realized that my suicide letter is way longer than my sibling's college essay.

I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.

Why can't orphans play online games? Because they don't have parents to sign them up.