Family jokes

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!

Orphan: You will?

I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.

A guy is sitting at a bar when a drunk man walks up to him, calling his mom a whore. The guy just ignores it and stays in his spot drinking his beer. An hour goes by and the drunk man comes back saying, "Your mom is a whore!" The guy sitting looks around the bar, sees people staring and says, "Don't worry, everything is cool here," and shrugs it off. After a few more shots, the drunk man walks up a third time and says, "Your mom... is such... a whore!" The guy finally gets mad, throws his fist on the table and says, "You know what? Go home Dad!"

Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!

Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!

Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)

What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?

Adopt Me.

The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...

Your adopted.

I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.

My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.

Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.

He just moved back in with his mom.

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

I cried when my dad cut onions. Onions was such a good dog.