Family jokes
Why did your dad FUCKING LEAVE YOU? He went to suck balls.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She gagged.
What film do orphans hate?
"Instant Family."
Why can't orphans be in charge of making web pages?
Because they can't add a home page.
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
POV: Your dad is gone.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad. LMAO.
Why can't orphans close their video games?
Because they can't find the home button.
Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell them to clap until their parents come home.
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
My parents came back from their vacation in Florida, and all I got is this lousy nursemaid from Miami named mammie.
Q: Why do orphans work at Olive Garden?
A: Because when you're there, you're family.
Why do orphans love table tennis? Because that is the only love they're getting.
Yo momma so stupid, she wrote this joke!
Q. What is an orphan's favorite game?
A. Hide and seek.
"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "John." "John who?" John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse.
Why are orphans so bad at dodge ball?
They don't have a home to run to.
What is the orphan's version of a family portrait?
A selfie.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?
Billy: Hey kid, why are you sad?
Orphan: Oh, I'm waiting for my parents.
Billy: Oh, and how long have you been here?
Orphan: About 200 years.
There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.