Family jokes
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
What TV series do orphans hate?
"House, M.D."
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
Your sister is so short, she needs to roll up her panties.
A man walks into a bar. He sees a family court judge, his wife, her lawyer, and a police officer. He gets on his hands and knees and prays to God out loud. The bartender says, "Why are you praying?" He says, "Because I just saw the 4 horsemen of the apocalypse, and the bible tells me when I see them the end is at hand."
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
My dad walked in on me having sex with a dog. She gasped and shouted at me, "Get out of here, it's my turn!"
I made Google Earth for orphan kids.
Sadly, it does not show where home is.
An orphan boy at my school did really badly on a test and started crying. I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
Why couldn't an orphan play baseball?
He couldn't find home plate.
Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!
I told my dad that I wanted to go to a college with a 100% acceptance rate and a 50% graduation rate, and he said, "Your mom doesn't count as a college!"
If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.
Does an orphanage have daddy issues?
Yes, because he didn't come back from getting the milk.
"-JuicyFruitSnacks- A whole lot of pepper and a whole lot of salt. If I blame it on my friends, it won't be my fault."
-Mully- This is my mom left!!
Yo mom!
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"