Family jokes

What's the difference between an in-law and an outlaw?

An outlaw is wanted.

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends, "I milked a cow, and it took awhile for it to warm up." His brother came over and said, "We don't have cows, we have bulls."

"Mum, I just won this phone in a race!"

"Who was in the race?"

"The owner of the phone. And the police. I think they're at the door to congratulate me!"

Orphans are funny cuz all they do is sing "We Are Family."

Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"

Orphan: "What's a mom?"

What’s an orphan's favorite movie?

Spider-Man: No Way Home.

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.

What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.

Why do orphans go to church? So that they can call someone Father.

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.

Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

Cause that's the only way they get love.

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

My friends: "What's your dream job?"

Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...

Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.

What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"