Family

Family jokes

Dad

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

Parent

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

9/11

Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.

Shed

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

Orphan

Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!

Orphan: You will?

Son

I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."

Name

Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."

Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"

Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"

Grandma

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

Brother

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

Mum

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Everything

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

Dad

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

Abortion

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

Prank

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

People

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

Monkey

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🀣