Family jokes

Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.

My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.

What does an imouto ride?

Onii-san.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"

"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."

The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"

The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."

"What about the boy?" the woman asked.

The doctor said, "Denephew."

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.

Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.

What school subject does an orphan love?

PE because they actually get picked.

Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?

They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.

Yo mama so fat that she was born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th of March.

This is the real reason why the chicken crossed the road.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To visit his grandmother at KFC.

Teacher: "I was an orphan when I was a kid."

Students: "oof"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Yeah, your parents."

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

Q. What's an orphan's favorite South Park episode?

A. The anti-Family Guy episode.

My mom said don't fuck whores.

So I kicked my step sis out the house.

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.