Family jokes
Roses are red, violets are violet,
My dad died in 9/11, he was a great pilot!
What do you call a white girl that can run faster than her brothers? A redneck virgin.
Why can't an orphan hit a home run?
They have no home to run to.
What do Gay Men and Minorities have in common?
My dad hates them both!
A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her.
My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.
Mommy, why is my name Brick???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.
Mommy, why is my name Rose???
Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.
Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."
What's a bonus of being an orphan?
You can't get homework.
What do you call a straight orphan?
A no homeo.
Jake: Can I go outside?
Mom: Did you clean your room?
Jake: No.
Mom: Then f*ck no.
Jake: Alright, bet.
(Brother named No)
Some people say I'm rude, but I think I'm pretty nice because the other day I saw this kid crying on the road and I asked him where his parents were. I just love looking at an orphanage.
Yo mama so fat, she stepped on the scale and it said a.k.a. "error."
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them "mommy" or "daddy."
Why do some kids only experience 364 days per year?
Because they don't have a Father's Day.
I love you, Explain Bear. Please bear my children.
Your girlfriend/boyfriend says: "I'm dating your uncle..." You start crying and you look under the bed and your uncle says: "Damn."
What does "bitch" mean?
Son asked father, father said it means "you're handsome." Son said, "OK, you're a bitch." Father: "Of course not, I'm not a bitch!"
What can orphans not get when playing a sport?
A home run!
Adopted kid:
Hey, Alex, what are you doing?
Alex:
Nothing, just playing my game. Anyways, you know you can call me "dad."
Adopted kid:
OK, dad Alex.
Alex:
Oh, come on! My game! I’m winning. Let’s go!
Adopted kid:
I’m so glad I have a mom.
To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.