Family jokes
Why do kids prefer to spend more time with their dad than their mom?
They already know that their dad is gonna get "Milk" and never return.
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
Teacher: If you keep talking over me, I'll call your parents!
Orphan: You will?
Memes
My mom said don't fuck whores.
So I kicked my step sis out the house.
I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I donβt like graveyards.
Expectation: "Brr, Iβm cold!" "Here brother! Iβll give you my jacket, I donβt want you to be cold!"
Reality: "Brr, Iβm cold!" "Well, damn bro, I canβt control the weather."
When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?
Father Les.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.
So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.
I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.
I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOLπ€£