Family jokes

Q. What movie represents an orphan's life?

A. Spiderman: No Way Home.

Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?

Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.

What does an imouto ride?

Onii-san.

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"

"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."

The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"

The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."

"What about the boy?" the woman asked.

The doctor said, "Denephew."

Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.

Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?

Son: Yes, why?

Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.

Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......

My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

When the orphan got a job as a priest, what was his name?

Father Les.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

Expectation: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Here brother! I’ll give you my jacket, I don’t want you to be cold!"

Reality: "Brr, I’m cold!" "Well, damn bro, I can’t control the weather."

Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."

Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"

Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"

How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.

My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"

My wife cheated on me with my brother.

She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

Can we stop talking about 9/11? My dad died, man, but he was a good pilot.