Family jokes
I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...
My dad always wanted one last smoke before his death, so we smoked his ashes.
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?
Daddy.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
Adopt Me.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
What does an imouto ride?
Onii-san.
Q. What movie represents an orphan's life?
A. Spiderman: No Way Home.
Technically, we have all been deeper in our mom than our dads have.
You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.
I nailed my sister's... picture on the wall.
You dirty-minded bastard!
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods?
A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months, she woke up. She asked the doctor, "How's the baby?"
"You had twins," the doctor replied. "Your brother named them."
The woman said, "Oh no, not my brother! What did he call them?"
The doctor said, "He called the girl Denise."
"What about the boy?" the woman asked.
The doctor said, "Denephew."
What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"
Frank: "I am named Frank because my grandpa lived in Frankfurt during his best years."
Finley: "I am named Finley because my grandmother was in Finland during her early twenties!"
Mia: "Can we please change the subject?"
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
My sister is pregnant, I'm gonna be a dad.
Yeah, you can call me daddy, son.
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.