Family jokes

A kid asks his mom, "Mom, how much do you love me?" The mother responds with, "I love you as much as I love your brother." The kid looks confused and says, "But I don't have a brother." The mother smiles and says, "Well, I guess my love is not existing."

Why don't orphans get offended by dark humor jokes?

It can't hit home.

My brother called me short and ugly, so I called him an ambulance.

Orphan: "Why can’t I watch a PG movie?"

Me: "They are Parental Guidance."

Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.

Brian has a crush on a cute girl, Sally, from school, so he goes and tells his dad about her, and he says, "Sorry, son, you can't like her; she is your sister." So Brian is okay with it, and he starts to like another girl, Madison, and he goes up to his dad and says, "I have a crush on this girl, Madison," and again the dad goes, "Oh, sorry, son, you can't like any girl in school; they are all your sisters." So he goes crying to his mom and says, "Dad said I can't like any girl because they are all my sisters," and the mom goes, "Oh, it's okay; you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad."

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck.

All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.

I saw a kid on the side of the road covered in rags and asked if he was an orphan. He said, "What gave me away?" I said, "Your parents."

Yo mamma is so ugly, she made blind kids cry.

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."

Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

Why do orphans play GTA? Because they want to feel wanted.

Why did the transgender girl want to be a boy?

Because momma never raised no pussy.

My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.

What do you call children born from incest?

Gross Domestic Product.

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

Note to self.

When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".

Google "cream pie recipes".

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

I'm in jail for 5 minutes and I already got fucked 15 times. You don't have any idea how much I hate playing Monopoly with my dad.