What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?
Yo mama so stupid, she hides behind a glass door when playing hide and seek.
One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.
Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
Sometimes I wish my gf was here, that way we could have some fun in my bed. Then I realize she's right across the hall. (SWEET HOME ALABAMA)!!
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
I saw this one quote: "The people who smile the most are covering the most pain." I think this is true, just not with everyone. As I am really depressed and act like myself with my friends, but with my parents and family, I force a smile so they don't worry more than they do.
I did a test for my therapy session to see what level of depression I had. It came back with severe, 22/24, but I asked her to tell my mum it came back as moderate, saying I would tell her that my depression got worse. She went along with it, but I haven't told my mum and I now make things sound like I aren't as messed up as I truly am to my therapist.
Is it normal my emo cousin's hobby is tying himself to train tracks?
Why are orphanages like dogs?
Because they get adopted.
Yo mamma so stupid, she starved to death in a grocery store.
How do you name an Asian child?
Ring the doorbell.
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes to the photographer, he shoots himself.
Incest.
When "slow down and apply more lube bro" REALLY means slow down and apply more lube bro.
Yo mama so dumb, she tried to put m&m's in alphabetical order.
What do Jesus and I have in common? Our dads left us...
When is it bedtime in the Jacksons' house?
When the big hand 🖐 meets the little 🤚.
My mom told me to get off the computer or she will slam my head into the keyboard.
I don't think she lskdjfklsdjf.
