Family jokes
Why am I so fat? When I was younger my mother said I should be the bigger person.
Why does an orphan play mum and dad?
'Cause they need self-love.
My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.
Ok, so my brother made this, here it is:
Knock knock. Who's there? Chicken. Chicken who? Chicken garbage!
Ok I know it makes no sense, but he made it when he was like 3.
Why couldn’t the orphan play Xbox? Because there was no home button.
It's Christmas Eve
The teacher once said to some students, "I was an orphan before your principal hired me."
The students said, "Oof, that is sad."
The teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance. She said, "Is anyone missing?"
The students said, "Your parents."
The teacher got offended and later that day quit her job.
I'm sorry your dad beat you instead of cancer.
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
What's the difference between me and cancer?
My dad did not beat cancer.
Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one!
Why do orphans always get an iPhone X?
Because it doesn’t have a home button.
Kids?
Dad, I hate you!
Me: Mom, I'm tired.
Mom: "Then go to sleep."
Me: No, you don't understand-
Why can't orphans see their parents?
Because they don't have one!
Why don’t orphans play the game of hide-and-seek?
They won’t be found because no one will look for them.
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."