Family jokes
What's more annoying than uncles?
Ants.
Why can’t an orphan play soccer?
If he can’t find home, he can’t find goal.
Why are orphans different from apples?
Apples get picked.
My dad went out with Nemo one day to the store. They still haven't come back.
I took out my mother-in-law, being a sniper, I'd fun.
My sister: See you at home in about an hour.
Me: Okay.
My sister: Sister, where are you? *She looks out the window.*
Me: Sis, I'm here, can't you see me?
Sister: OMG, she's dead!
Me: Yeah, I know, but can't you see me?
What do you call an orphan? Homeless.
What's an orphan's worst favorite movie? Home Alone.
Why can't homeless people find a home? Because they're orphans.
Mom! (DYM 14)
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
'Cause mommy never gave them some.
Mom said drugs are my enemies. God said love your enemies. What do I tell her?
Kid: Your mom!
Orphan: (cries)
You are family.
My friend's mom died, and he also died in a crash.
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
I didn’t orphan never say home.
Because they didn’t have one.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they have no home to run to.
Why can’t orphans go on “go big or go home?”
Cuz they’d always have to go big as they have no home.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sister.
Sister who?
My sister's ass.