Family jokes

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Today I asked my sis to take out the trash, and I shoved her outside!

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

Hey dad, I'm hungry!

Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?

Child: I am hungry.

Dad: Hi hungry, I am dad!!!

Child: *groans* *walks away*

Mom, I’m pregnant.

Are you drunk? Why? Because you’re boy.

I was looking for my sister... I looked down at my feet and saw her.

Ask me who Joe is.

Who is Joe?

JOE MAMA!

Why did the orphan not play baseball? Because he couldn't find home.

Knock knock.

Who is there?

Mother.

Mother who?

Fuck off bichon, I'm your mother!

Mom: I apologize, Sam, for being so mean to you. <3

Sam: Thank you, Mother, for your apology.

Mom: jk

Jack and his kids went to the lake, and his mother wants him to go swimming. You know what he says? "Back where you came from!"

My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.

What did the white baby say to his Chinese parents?

"Two wongs don’t make a white."

What kind of work from school can't orphans do?

Homework!

Why are orphans not that good at baseball?

They can never hit a homerun.

What show has something orphans will never have?

American Dad!

Y'all heard of Poptarts, eh?

Well why are there no Momtarts?

Because of the PASTRYarchy!

20 years later

Johnny: Hey dad.

Dad: Yea?

Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!

Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.

Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.

Dad:...

After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.

During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."

Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"