Family jokes

My mom: "Dear, I don't know why your grandma is spending more time with her friend Carla, can you spy on her?"

Me: "Your mom gay lol."

My mom: "Don't talk about your grandma like that, you rude girl."

You: "Your mom gay lol."

OK, there are at least 3 pedophiles in your neighborhood.

But there are no pedophiles in my neighborhood; there are only three 10-year-old girls with juicy asses.

What do Orphans say on Father's Day?

Well, not "Happy Father's Day."

Why did the orphan cross the road?

Because he was tired of waiting for the milk.

If a homeschooled kid shoots his parents, does that count as a school shooting?

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

Why can orphans stay out until whatever time?

Because their parents won't tell them when to come home.

Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

At least one of them gets picked.

At school, Little Johnny’s classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it’s very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.”

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny’s mother greets him at home, and he tells her, “I know the whole truth.” His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, “Just don’t tell your father.”

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work and greets him with, “I know the whole truth.” The father promptly hands him $40 and says, “Please don’t say a word to your mother.”

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, “I know the whole truth.” The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, “Then come give your Daddy a great big hug!”

"Hey Modda, I'm hungry."

My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

Lil Johnny came home one day and said, "What do fucking each other mean?"

Then he walked through the living room and his dad was fucking his mom, so oh.

What did the tree say to his sister? Wood you please leaf me alone, you son of a birch?

Why do orphans want to die?

Because they might see their parents in Heaven.

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.

Papyrus: Sans, can you call Undyne for me and tell her that I found a human!

Sans: Sure bro, lemme just get on the Tele-bone.

Papyrus: Ssssaaaaannnnsss!!!!!!

Sans: Yea bro.

Papyrus: You know what? I will tell Undyne instead.

My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.

She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭

If an orphan was Spiderman, which movie would he be in?

"No Way Home."