Family jokes
Why did the orphan sit alone in the corner?
They wanted some family time.
Yo momma's so ugly that when she walked into a Haunted Mansion, she walked back out with a job application.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
Your hairline goes further back than your mum's divorce.
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
My brother is cute
Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?
Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple gets picked.
Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.
The orphan: But why?
Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
Why can't orphans breathe? They are drowning in their own tears.
What’s the difference between a child who is home alone and an orphan?
They’re both alone, but only one is home.
What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.
Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
My wife cheated on me with my brother.
She didn't have a sister, so I improvised, and now all I have to do is wait nine months for one to come.
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.
What do you call an orphan with parents?
I don't know... what?
Kidnapped. :)
Why can’t orphans go to a field trip?
Parent signature: _________
Kid: "Mom, I had a scary dream. Can I come sleep with you and dad?"
Mom: "Sure, sweetie, sleep in the middle."
Kid: "Dad, can you get the remote out of my back?"
Dad: "That isn't the remote."
*Weird background music*
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He went to his brother, who was playing with a Superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered "SUPERMAN!!!". Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said, "in the Barbie Dream House!" Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said, "Olé Olé Olé!!!". The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!", the teacher boomed. "Superman", the boy replied. "WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!", the teacher continued. "In the Barbie Dream House" "GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!" "OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!", the boy chanted on his was down the hall.