Family jokes
What can't an orphan spell?
Home.
I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
What’s an orphan's favorite beer?
Foster's.
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
What song do supportive parents of a closeted child love?
“The Son Will Come Out Tomorrow.”
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
My pregnant wife said we were gonna name the kid Digiorno. She wouldn't tell me why until she got an abortion and told me, "It's not delivery, it's Digiorno."
"Son, I found a condom in your room." "Gee, thanks, Grandpa!" "Why are you calling me Grandpa?" "Because I couldn't find it yesterday."
Nothing bad ever happens to the Kennedys! Except that one headshot, but we don’t talk about that.
What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?
They can't see each other anymore.
Why did the orphan girl cry during sex?
Because her boyfriend said "Who's your daddy?"
BAJAHAHAHHAA
Why did the orphan go to church?
So he had someone to call Father.
Why can't orphans get a job?
Because they don't have a home.
What is a kid's favorite thing to do with their dad?
Play pretend dog in the bed.
Why do orphans go to church?
It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. 🤡
My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"
Me: "I like kids."
I have a son. Her name is Zara.
I also have a dad. Her name is Lydia.
Why will the orphan never say, "Honey, I'm home?"
No one wants him, not even the bees.