Family jokes

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?

What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?

Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...

Why are orphans bad at poker?

They don't know what a full house is.

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

What’s an orphan’s least favorite beverage? Milk.

Danny, your mum [is] dead as hell and got raggedy shoes on.

Why do orphans hate cereal?

Because their dad never came back with the milk.

My father was a great pilot. He died on 9/11.

Your mum gay.

Rodd Flanders: What's "gay" mean?

Bart: Uh, it means you used to be afraid, but now you're not.

Rodd says to his dad Ned: I'm gay, Daddy.

Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.

Dad: Would you like to talk about it?

Son: Sure.

Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.

Son: I can't, my butt hurts.

If I slap an orphan, what will it do, tell its parents? 🤣😂🤣😂

Is your dad a magician?

Because he magically disappeared.

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple always gets picked.

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

One day Little Johnny saw his grandpa smoking a cigar. Johnny said, "Can I have a puff?"

Grandpa said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that day, Johnny saw his grandpa drinking a drink. Johnny said, "Can I have a sip?"

Grandpa said the same thing, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Johnny said, "No, then that's your answer."

Later that night, Johnny was eating some cookies in the kitchen. Grandpa said, "Hi son, can I have a cookie?"

Johnny said, "Can your dick touch your ass?"

Grandpa said, "Yes."

Johnny said, "Good, go fuck yourself!"

Why do orphans like boomerangs so much?

Because they come back.

This guy called anonymous said he's going to own me like he did my mum. Joke's on him, I have two dads.