Family jokes

Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.

Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.

He was fired from his job.

Mom, am I adopted?

What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.

Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.

So, I accidentally just tipped over my paralyzed sister.

Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?

A. His mom threw an oven at him.

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't get a home run.

When an African has a twin, your me??

When a boy points at his parents, they disappear.

What do rednecks find when they research their family tree?

Their INCESTors!

Why can’t orphans build anything?

Because they can’t go to Home Depot.

What is an orphan's most relatable movie?

"Home Alone."

My grandfather killed Hitler.

Get it? Get it?

"UwU my balls says mommy."

"Wait, what?" says Jonny. "That's not my mommy!"

Your mom!

You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.

Help! I got my brother pregnant.