Family jokes

You wonder where my dad is.

Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!

Top five places to find your dad's orphans is Milk Island.

Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭

Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

Beans, your mum is fat!

I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.

Hi, son.

Why'd my grandpa fall over?

'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!

What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?

The chicken is actually used for something.

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple tray? The apple tray gets picked.

You know, their family dinners must be so happy.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? There is no home plate.

Why can’t orphans go to the hospital? The front desk always asks, “Where are your parents?”

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

They can't find their way home.

One day a son and his grandad were smoking.

Too bad only the sun was smoking. :)

Your momma's so fat, she farted in bed and blew the covers off.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

The apples get picked.

Teacher: Anyone missing?

Orphan: My parents.

Teacher: Something that is real, kid.

Orphan: My family.

Teacher: OMG, out of my classroom, kid!

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.