Family jokes

Max Heart and his gay cousin Nickals Amoto say I back out of a fight. When he said let's fight, then last minute he said he doesn't want to, then says I chickened out. I [was] ready to fight, but his gut [was] swollen [and] his arms [were]. He actually looks like Humpty Dumpty, but [I] just wanted to say he backed out + Max and Nickals are both gay with each other.

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

Me and my cousin went to a restaurant yesterday.

I ordered my chicken fried, he ordered his chicken alive.

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Penis enters my dad and sister.

Why did Brandon's mum chase him with a knife? Because he didn't let her cum first!

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

I will always remember my dad's last words...

Oh wait, I never knew them.

What do you call a boy in your mom?

Your dad.

If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents?

Yo mama so fat that she should be worried for her health and go see a doctor.

Why don’t you peel a banana?

It’s too hard to kill your nana.

I was chopping onions with my brothers, so my little sisters cried. Onions was a good dog.

Rhydon- son.

Rhydon? - mum.

RHYDON DEEZ NUTS! - son.

Jeez, ur like ur father in bed- mum.

XD

Someone telling a joke:

Boy: "My parents are dead."

Girl: "My grandad is too."

Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"

Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"

My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.

Yo mama so old, she was Jesus' nanny! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"Steve!"

"Steve who?"

Steve cries, aware that his grandmother's Alzheimer's has reached a point where she can no longer remember him.

Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"

I lent my sister my bed. The next morning, she told me it worked like a dream.

My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.