Family jokes
You were born out of your dad.
Why can an orphan relate to a pack of bananas?
Because they both split away from their family.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball? They don't know where home is.
Why can’t orphans have a computer?
Because they don’t have a home page.
What do a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her have in common?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
this is me
You're so short, I bet your parents left you at home most times when they went to the pool because they're scared you'll drown in the kiddie pool.
Me: *in a family meeting*
Mom: Ok guys...
Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
Why can't orphans play baseball? Cause they have to hit a home run.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know how to get to home.
Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.
Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.
Teacher: Why?
Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.
Why do orphans play tennis?
It's the only way they get love.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why do orphans not play bingo?
Because they don’t know what a full house is.
Sad life goes, joke mom.
Your nan's gay.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are picked.
My mom wanted me to brush my hair.
And I just told her that even pet animals don't like their hair brushed...