Family jokes
Where does Santa send his children to study?
The Elf-phabets.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because it doesn't know where home base is.
Mom! (DYM 3)
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
I went up to an orphan and asked where their parents were--they stared.
Memes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Yo forehead so angled, your mom could walk up.
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They never can make it home.
Mom! (DYM 7)
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
Why do orphans go to church?
Why?
To finally call someone "father."
Mom!
Mom!
I took my mother-in-law out today...
I love being a sniper.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mom!
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!