Family Jokes

Hey guys, the prank for today is when I lied about feeling sick so I wouldn't have to go to school.

Introduction: This prank was committed a week ago! Around 5:00 a.m. in the morning!

1. I got out some eggs, milk, salt, and a little bit of mashed olives... well those are the main ingredients.

2. I mixed it all up for about 2 mins just to make it look really like barf...no going to school today!

3. I put it under the sofa just to give it some solid scent to it.

4. I fixed my breakfast eggs and bacon. Then when my mom comes down I...PULL OUT MY FAKE BARF!!!!! News flash make a fake excuse for her to leave! My excuse is "I need something its in my room I don't want to get cause it would waste time".

She fell for it. Then I pull out my FAKE barf which looks like real barf. Then you say or I said "Mom I don't feel so good"! News flash: Don't over sell it think about all that boring school work! and guess what she fell for it so I spend all day doing nothing...absolutely nothing!

Well that's the prank. Anymore pranks you want ask me in the comment section! Byeeeeeeeeeee

My dick's so big, I stuck it in your mom's loose hole.

Why does my brother have no mom?

If the genie from Aladdin was here, my three wishes would be for you to die, your kids to have a miserable life, and for everyone you love to die.

It’s like I always tell my kids:

"Two in the pink, one in the stink."

If my firnd had a baby like this id call him ✨ "retard" ✨

A close-up image of a newborn baby with a scrunched-up face and mouth open, as if yelling or crying. The image also contains text that says, "My friend just had a baby.."

How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?

They tell her to sit in the corner in a circular room.

Why did Morgan’s dad leave her?

She kept making dad jokes.

What is it about sisters who argue?

Mother: We need to talk about sex...

Jason: Oh, sex, tell me what do you wanna know.

Jason had a big whooping from his mother and big spanking from his dad.

Friend, your mum's fat.

Me: Well, your mum's so fat, she played pool with the planets.

We were so poor my dad would give me a penny not to eat supper.

I'd put it under my pillow and while I was sleeping, he would come in and take it. In the morning, he would holler at me for losing the penny.

Wanna hear a joke? Your dad leaving you, you sad clown!

Why did Mom cross the road?

To kill you!

Why did my mother buy me a Honda? She knows I can't move, so she pushed my wheelchair with me in it into the ocean. I survived just by a second, but a shark got my wheelchair, fucking bitch.

I see you.

You're so ugly your mom said, "I want an abortion."

Why couldn't the orphanage win the baseball game?

Answer: They couldn't find home base.

Why do orphans always ask Alexa to order milk?

Because their dad never brought it home.

Orphans are cool.

FaceBook Story: My mom loves FaceBook; she literally posts every day, but this day was sort of a hard hit.

So what happened was my mom got tired of her old name on Facebook, so she changed it to Thatmilf85, and I don't want to explain what milf means, but she got a lot of DM's from a lot of old guys. BUT, this one exact guy named Johnny Sins asked my mom if she wanted to do an adult film. I don't know what that is. I think it's an adult movie, of course, so she says yes and flies out to San Diego, and she never came back after yesterday, and to YOU Johnny Sins, my mom better be Ok and that adult film better be an adult movie and not a por...