Family jokes
Mom!
Why is there a middle school?
Because the kids that go there are middle class families.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
I went up to an orphan and asked where their parents were--they stared.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Mom! (DYM 7)
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
As a kid, I was made to walk the plank.
Because we couldn't afford a dog.
Me: I have a dream.
Mom: What?
Me: For you to fucking shut up.
I made a website for orphans.
Unfortunately, it does not have a home page.
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
Yo forehead so angled, your mom could walk up.
And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They never can make it home.
"I AM NOT PETER GRIFFIN!"
When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out, I'm just a burden.
Mom! (DYM 10)
What do you tell twins who are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourself!
Why do orphans like the game Adopt Me? Because they've never been adopted in their life.
Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone not here?
Student: Yes, your parents.