Family jokes
What has two names and one big home?
A person.
I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
My dad left for milk 4 hours ago, anyone know where he is?
What school can’t orphans go to?
Home school.
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?
Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
At least one of them gets picked.
One time I broke a leg and I was using a wheelchair.
My parents thought I was a disappointment and put me up on eBay, the Ohioan Black Market, and the nearest adoption center.
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.
Like this if you are in foster care.
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck? Incest.
What does my family and the Twin Towers have in common? We both played Jenga.
What can't an orphan spell?
Home.
- Mommy, I want a bicycle!
- Shut up, Sam! You've already got your wheelchair!
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.
What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?
Cotton gets picked.
Why can’t an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need a parent's signature.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes?
Because there is never anyone at the door.
Q: What do you call an elephant that isn't important?
A: My sister.
There's a difference between my brother and Stephen Hawking.
At least Stephen Hawking does something.