Family jokes
What is the difference between an orphan's dad and a boomerang?
Oh... one comes back.
Yo mama's teeth are so yellow kids thought they were mini school buses.
Yo mama so ugly, just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Thanksgiving
What were the last words of your grandma in 2020?
"Oh, I think I forgot my mask!"
"The dad was so horny he wanted to have sex with his wife, but his wife said no, so he fucked his daughter."
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black.
I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
My grandpa warned people the Titanic would sink, but they wouldn’t listen, so he kept warning them. Then he was kicked out of the theater.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They have nobody to call "daddy."
What do emo kids have in common with orphans?
They both depress'd on the inside.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have nobody to call "daddy."
You're so bald, Bob Hope would refer to you as "grandpa."
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.
Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.
Silence...................punch!
Adopting a kid is like having a yard sale! I mean, if the owners don't want it anymore, what makes you think I want it?
What's the difference between a (hypothetical) girl and cancer?
Her dad didn't beat cancer.
Why do the orphans fuck in their cars?
Because they don't know what a home is.
You know what orphans and I have in common? Our dads both left for the milk.
Your dad? Oh wait, you don’t have that!