My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Wives are like grenades. Pull the ring, and the house is gone.
Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
Can't wait to meet you!
So join the Depression family!
We open real soon!
Try best to hold onto sanity!
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.
