Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball? They can't run home.
A: Why did the orphan not come to school today?
B: Because today we had a parent meetup.
I asked an orphan where his parents were.
(God, I wish I knew)
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
What made Adam and Eve's marriage perfect?
He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about his Mom's cooking.
Movies now
Why can't orphanages play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.
There is this little boy, and he gets in the shower with his mom and looks up and says, "Mommy, what are those?"
She replies with, "These are my headlights."
He looks down and says, "Mommy, what's that?" She says, "That's my garage."
So he gets out of the shower and gets in with his dad and looks down and says, "What is that?" The dad says, "This is my snake."
Later that night, he wakes up in the middle of the night and screams, "Mommy, Mommy, turn off your headlights and close your garage. Daddy's snake is trying to get in!"
Your mom gay, Evan.
Mom hot.
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
I saw that my brother has brain cancer, so I asked him: "Are you big brain?"
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
Why do orphans like to play GTA?
To be wanted.
Some kid online: I f*cked your mom.
Me, an orphan: Jokes on you, I don’t have one!
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
What do orphans and broken up couples have in common?
They can't see each other anymore.
What type of pictures do orphans take?
Selfies.
The only woman to ever tell you that they loved you was your mom. (If she even loved you in the first place.)
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home plate.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.