A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.
It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".
If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, "see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand." He said, "But Dad I'm blind." Exactly.
Did you know my grandpa was part of World War 2? He killed Hitler.
Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday morning.
Damn, I love being a sniper.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.”
He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
Can't wait to meet you!
So join the Depression family!
We open real soon!
Try best to hold onto sanity!
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a "two for one special."
One man's trash is another man's treasure... Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.
I refuse to believe my dad got fired as a road worker for theft. But when I came home, there were signs everywhere.
There was a cannibal who had a wife and eight kids.
Guys, my sister's pregnant!
I'm finally a dad!
Doctor: I diagnose you with obesity.
Patient: It runs in the family.
Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
Why did Ms. Grapes 🍇 want to marry Mr. Grapes 🍇?
Because she loves raisin kids.
Your mom is so ugly that when she went to rob a bank, they had to turn the cameras off.
What’s the difference between criminals and orphans?
Only one is wanted.
