Family jokes
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples get picked.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't get a home run.
Why do orphans love tennis? It's the only love they get.
In tennis, 0 points is love.
What's an orphan's favorite toy?
A boomerang because it actually came back.
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple actually gets picked.
Mom! (DYM 10)
So recently I hit an orphan with a 2x4, and he started crying. What's he gonna do? Tell his family? XD
What’s the difference between a pile of babies and a Tesla?
I don’t have a Tesla in my garage.
Why do orphans love Dom Toretto?
Because "family is everything!"
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
How did the blind boy's parents punish him?
Rearrange the furniture.
What's an orphan's least favorite show? Family Guy ;)
It’s not like they can watch it anyway: it’s PG.
What do phones and orphans have in common?
They selfie! (It's because they don't have parents.)
Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?
It's always someone you know.
What's worse than a failed suicide, you ask?
I fail suicide because you forgot to do the dishes and your parents come after you and they're the ones to kill you, not yourself.
Why can’t orphans play baseball??
Because they can’t find their way to home plate.
Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.
Friend: What was the first?
Me: They- they weren't always orphans.
Friend: O-O
Where do you find an orphan? Just look for your mum.
One day I caught my sister talking to my girlfriend, and she said, "You never told me you're lesbian." I said, "No, not at all." My girlfriend asked, "Why did you not tell her?" and I said, "Because every time I bring a girl home, I hear too much noise in her room, and I never get the chance to kiss them because she's cleaning the trash." She said, "Yeah, the trash is her junk."