Family jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
"Him and his dead family." :(
What is the difference between an Orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
How many orphans does it take to change a light bulb?
Obviously more than three because my basement is still dark.
Little Johnny is my son, and he got hit by a semi-truck owned by a Russian. Now I am on my way on a nuclear submarine with a Burger King Whopper to Moscow, then take revenge for little Johnny!
Why does an orphan go to a spelling bee?
So they can spell "home."
Why do orphans like belts?
They remind them of their father.
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
When I finished high school, I wanted to take my graduation money and buy myself a motorcycle, but my mom said no.
See, she had a brother who died in a horrible motorcycle accident when he was eighteen, and I could just have his motorcycle.
Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.
Sister: Hey sis, how are you today?
Me: Oh, good, you?
Sister: Good, 'cause I heard you finally got a good living life.
I saw some kid following me, so I told him to go back to his family.
Orphan: "What family?"
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
So, every time I walk in the door, my kid shuts his laptop. So, I check his history. It was good, but my wife checked mine, and she didn't say the same. The words I heard were, "Get out!"
Yo mama is so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common?
Once they're gone, they never come back.
What's a plus side to being an orphan?
Every bag of chips is family size. T - T
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
A kid goes into a restaurant without parents, and a waitress came up and said, "You have to leave; this is a family restaurant."
Boy: Will you remember me in a minute?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a day?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Will you remember me in a year?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: Knock knock.
Mom: Who's there?
Boy: Bitch, you forgot me.