Family jokes
What's the difference between an apple and a child?
The apple gets picked.
You're shorter than a thumbtack, like, boy, your auntie is probably taller than you.
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
What is an orphan's most relatable movie?
"Home Alone."
My Mom: your so pretty! Me:
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
What does an apple and an orphan have in common?
One gets picked.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
Why is the orphan failing all his classes? He can't do homework.
What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.
Why are you mad because no one wants to adopt me?
What do frogs wear for shoes? Open toad.
What does your mom say to you? "Love you, moody."
So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."
Best friend: Let’s get tattoos of our parents.
Orphan: I don’t have parents.
What's an orphan's least favorite joke?
Yo mama!
Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.
Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.
Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.
Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?
Bully: How would you know that?
Me: Because she told me herself.
Bully: How exactly?
Me: She's on the phone right now.
Phone: *High pitched animal noises*
Me: Told you so!
What do orphans, parents, and a ball have in common?
If you throw them, they both will never come back.
My dad just comes and goes.
Your nan's bald.
What does a baby computer call its father? Data.