Family jokes
Why do orphans go to church?
They go there to finally call someone "father."
I would say something funny, but I would have to dig someone up.
Why was the orphan happy that he got in trouble at school?
Because the principal was going to call his parents.
You know how in the movie, "Nightmare Before Christmas," they say they're making Christmas?
I thought Mary and Joseph did, but okay.
Q: Why do orphans like boomerangs?
A: They come back, unlike their parents.
Memes
Me: Shut up! If you don't shut up, I'm gonna tell your parents!
You: Why? I don't have any.
I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"
What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because it's the only place where they get to call him "father."
Why do orphans go to church?
It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”
My sister and I were hanging out when she opened her drawer and pulled out 3 condoms and said, "Pick one."
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Luigi was dying and had two sons. Bruno was handsome, but Alberto was ugly.
He said, "Maria, tell me, is Alberto my son?"
"Yes, Luigi," his wife said, and he died happily.
Wife said, "Thank God he didn’t ask about the other one!"
What did the cow say to your mom?
Hello.
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
"I only want to play with your daughter. It was okay yesterday."
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They can't find home.
Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:
"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."
22. Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.
24. When does a joke become a dad joke? When it leaves you and never comes back.
31. My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.