Family jokes
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Not to see his parents.
My grandfather told me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Fritzchen was supposed to remember three sentences. He asks his mother, "Mom, do you have any news?" The mother replies angrily, "Stop it!"
Fritzchen goes to see his father, who is watching a football match. When a goal is scored, he shouts, "That's it!"
Finally, he asks his sister, "Sister, do you have anything to say?" She is currently reading a story about a fool and says, "He is the dumbest person in the world!"
The next day at school, the teacher asks, "Fritzchen, did you learn the phrases?" Fritzchen replies, "Stop it!" The teacher is shocked: "Fritzchen! Don't say that to me. Go to the principal immediately!" Fritzchen shouts, "That's it!" Arriving at the principal's office, he asks, "Who do you think I am?" Fritzchen promptly replies, "He's the dumbest person in the world!"
What does a skeleton call their great-grandparents?
A fossil.
It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.
Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.
Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰
Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏
Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓
Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:
This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕
Why can orphans only have iPhone 13s?
Because there is no home button.
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One gets picked, and the other doesn’t.
Me and Billy Bob the 1st, Billy Bob the 2nd, and Billy Bob 4th Jr. were all in the Twin Towers.
Ur mom. (Idk, I'm bored.)
Yo momma so ugly, your grandma wanted to name her Abomination, but the registries agent changed it.
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
Why do orphans love a room of mirrors?\n\nBecause they're surrounded by loved ones!
Why can orphans only have iPhones 14s? Because they can't have a home button.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Yo son so excellent, he gone to a Rubik’s cube competition who competed against his daddy.
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!
Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!
Picture of yo mama last Christmas and the damn thing’s still printing.