Family jokes
Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"
If orphans aren’t religious, they really have no father. 😂
Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror, her reflection threw up and ran away.
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
Dad: Son, I came back.
Son: Where is the milk?
Dad: Time for another 10 years.
Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?
12 year old me: Yeah!
Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?
Me: What?
Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone not here?
Student: Yes, your parents.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not your dad.
Why do orphans like the movie Home Alone?
Because they're home alone themselves!
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home run is.
What do you call your mom?
Basement bound.
Why can’t orphans eat cereal with milk? Cause mummy never gave them some.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They can go 1, 2, 3 but they can’t go home. 🤣
I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Q: What do you call a tsunami?
A: Your mom's water breaking.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
I feel wrong. What does this make us?
Still cousins.
Why is an orphan good at being naughty?
Because they don't have no one to tell them off.
While playing in the backyard, Little Johnny kills a honeybee. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, “No honey for you for one month!”
Later that afternoon, Johnny’s dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. “That’s it! No butter for you for one month!” says his dad.
Later that evening as Johnny’s mother cooks dinner, a cockroach runs across the kitchen floor. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. Little Johnny looks at his father and says, “Are you going to tell her, Dad, or do you want me to?”