Family jokes

Knock knock, who's there? God.

God who? NO, you idiot, there is no God. I am your father and you have locked me out of my own house!

What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me.

When you met her first before your parents met each other. (In the case of your mom dating her dad).

What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?

Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.

Orphan: *crying* You: Do you know where your parents are? Orphan: No. Your Friend: They don't have parents!!! You: 😂 I know.

Riddle me this. Riddle me that.

Why did my parents never come back?

Why can't orphans have iPhones?

Because they can't find the home button.

What's the best thing about an orphan GF?

You don't have to meet her parents.

Why did the orphan wait in line?

To see their parents next.

If aliens were real,

then orphans would finally have a home.

Mom: Kid, bring your toys and clothing to the car. We're going to Disney Land.

Kid: Ok.

*Bring kid to the orphanage*.

Me: Why am I an orphan?

Friend: I don't know.

Me: Ask your mom.

Kid to daddy: "Why do they call it Uranus?"

Daddy to kid: "Cause, son, it's Uranus."

Mother got shot, damn.

Father got shot, damn.

Sister got shot, damn.

Brother got shot, damn.

Auntie running away with a shotgun!

Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak, I have family.

What does my dad have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."

Why don't orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"

The fetus: "lol same here."