Family jokes

A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"

The fetus: "lol same here."

What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?

One is wanted.

Two Asian people have a black baby.

Something wrong.

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?

Not all are friends.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell 'em to clap until their parents come home.

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They don't have a home plate.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

Why can't orphans have an iPhone?

'Cause they can't find the home button.

What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?

Father Les.

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

Girl: Wanna come over to my house?

Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.

People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.

1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.

2. We all give each other a hand when needed.

Last but not least, we play Twister.

Why don’t orphans play the game of hide-and-seek?

They won’t be found because no one will look for them.

Teacher: Where is your slip so I can see you can come on this trip?

Orphan: Parent signature: ___________

Everybody is mad because that guy from Alberta punched a girl in a wheelchair.

I think he was upset because he found out his sister was cheating on him.

Why do orphans like to go to church?

It is the only place where they can call a father.

You: Knock knock. Other person: Who is there? You: Not your parents.

Please help, my dad is an addict. He won't stop, and he eats my food.

Sometimes I think, should I kill him? But nah, he will go down with the others who did that too.