Family jokes

Mother got shot, damn.

Father got shot, damn.

Sister got shot, damn.

Brother got shot, damn.

Auntie running away with a shotgun!

Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak, I have family.

What does my dad have in common with Nemo?

They both can’t be found.

I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.

I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."

Why don't orphans play hide and seek?

Because no one will look for them.

A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"

The fetus: "lol same here."

What’s the difference between a robber and an orphan?

One is wanted.

Two Asian people have a black baby.

Something wrong.

So I’m riding in the car with my dad and all of a sudden I smell something rank without warning.

My dad starts laughing at me.

Dad: “Son! That must have been an orphan fart! You know why?”

Me: “Why dad?”

Dad: “Because it ain’t got no pop!”

What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?

Not all are friends.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell 'em to clap until their parents come home.

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They don't have a home plate.

Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.

Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.

Judge: But why?

Accused: Because I’m an orphan.

I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.

I think we know why.

Why can't orphans have an iPhone?

'Cause they can't find the home button.

What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?

Father Les.

What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................

Girl: Wanna come over to my house?

Orphan: I have to ask if my parents come home.

People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.

1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.

2. We all give each other a hand when needed.

Last but not least, we play Twister.