Family jokes
I got my daughter a trampoline for her birthday. The ungrateful bitch just sat there in her wheelchair and cried.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
My brother wanted to sharpen my pencil. I told him he had a point.
What do you call an orphan fish?
Self-ish.
Random kid: Yo mama so stupid that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Orphan: What's a mama?
Random kid: *shook*
Why were the cherries 🍒 crying?
Because their parents were in a jam.
I like my kids like I like my lamps.
Hung from the ceiling.
Harry Potter has an invisibility cloak, I have family.
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.
What makes a cult and a racist family of 5 common?
Not all are friends.
Judge: We shall now sentence you for the murder of your parents.
Accused: Please consider a lenient sentence, your honor.
Judge: But why?
Accused: Because I’m an orphan.
I was an orphan as a kid, and I'm pretty sure my favorite thing was seeing parents with their kids.
I think we know why.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't have a home plate.
People always ask what the secret of our family's happiness is. It is simple really.
1. Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week.
2. We all give each other a hand when needed.
Last but not least, we play Twister.
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell 'em to clap until their parents come home.
What's the difference between an orphan and a puppy?
Parents enjoy the presents of a puppy.
What's the best thing about an orphan GF?
You don't have to meet her parents.
Orphan: *crying* You: Do you know where your parents are? Orphan: No. Your Friend: They don't have parents!!! You: 😂 I know.
Why can't orphans have iPhones?
Because they can't find the home button.