Family jokes

If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?

Person: You suck!

Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎

I was going to make a depressing joke, but my parents already did.

What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?

"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."

What's an orphan's favorite meme?

Homer going into a bush.

Might take a while to notice and this one is bad.

You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!

My mom told me a joke about boxing.

I guess I missed the punch line.

Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!

Every time you feel lucky to have your mother in your life, what should you tell her?

I really hit the mother lode with you!

How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.

What is the difference between an orphan and a blanket?

One is actually used.

What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?

One is loved by all.

What's the second worst thing to happen to orphans?

They can't have sex.

"Why?"

Because they don't have anyone to call mommy or daddy.

Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.

What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?

The apple gets picked.

How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?

Homemade.

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?

Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)

What makes a joke a dad joke? When it leaves and doesn't come back.

What's the difference between an orphan's parents and a boomerang? The boomerang comes back.