Family jokes

To start off this Christmas season, I'ma make a list of what I want, then I'ma make plans with my family, then to start off my decorations, I'ma start with the first ornament and hang myself.

What’s an orphan's favorite beer?

Foster's.

One of my family members died on 9/11, he was one of the best pilots in the Middle East.

A father came to his daughter's 18th birthday. He finally came.

Even if orphans fail their exams, I'm sure their parents wouldn't...

Oh wait...

Me: I will f**k ur mom.

Orphan: I don't have one.

Me: ......

I took my son to a driver's school and am surprised because he got his license but soon lost the privilege to drive a car because he ran over my ex on "accident."

(I gotta go pay him out of jail!)

Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?

So they will be wanted.

Your mom and your dad.

My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.

School Bully: How's your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don't have any!

Me: How's your parents? Oh wait, you don't have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage*

Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?

Because they don't need permission from their parents.

Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.

Why did the orphan dig six feet under?

To find his parents.

Orphans are just wannabe children. They want a family.

Me to an orphan: If you had a penny for everyone who loved you, I don't think you'd have any.

The orphan: But why?

Me: Because if someone loved you, they wouldn't have thrown you out.

1st daughter: Dad, I'm lesbian!

Dad: Oh, OK!

2nd daughter: I'm also lesbian.

Dad: WTF, does any 1 in this family love dicks?!?

Son: I do...

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

An apple gets picked.

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

Why can an orphan never get picked up?

Because the white van did not come that day. HAHA BIG LOL