Family jokes

So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.

So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...

Yo mama!

Female Rights?

Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"

What's the difference between me and you?

I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!

Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?

They thought their parents would catch them.

Kid: Hey, why am I an orphan?

Adult: I don't know, ask your parents.

Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.

"One man's trash is another man's treasure."

It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

Why are orphans only able to have iPhone X's? Because it doesn't have a home button.

Ring.. Ring.. Yes this is Dave from the Orphanage, "you make 'em we take 'em", how may I be of service?

Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?

Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.

Why are orphans called orphans?

'Cause they're gay.

Incest. A game the whole family can play.

Why can't orphans be gay?

Because they have no one to call daddy.

"Stop bullying me!"

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.

I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.