Family jokes
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.
When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.
Why do orphans play GTA 5?
To get wanted!
Why do all orphans have iPhone 10-12?
They don't have a home button.
Why does an orphan cry on Thanksgiving?
Family gathering.
What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?
Go fuck yourselves!
What did the orphan say to his stepmom?
"I need help."
Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.
Just walked in on my parents doing it! Worst 30 minutes of my life.
What type of flour do orphans use to bake with...? Self-raising flour!
Why did the orphan go to church?
So that they had someone to call father.
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
Why can’t orphans pick up their phone after school?
Because they need their parents to go pick it up.
Your nan.