Family jokes

You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.

Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.

What did the mom say when her child came out?

"The head was so big!"

What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)

My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.

Why do orphans play GTA 5?

To get wanted!

I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.

And Mary said God had given her a child, so Joseph went and joined Fathers For Justice.

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.

FUCK ME DADDY!!!!

What did the orphan say to his stepmom?

"I need help."

What do you tell twins that are in love with each other?

Go fuck yourselves!

Can [I] ask your sister how you are going for Christmas? And [to clarify,] I have internet.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball??

They can’t hit a home run! 😂

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To find their parents.

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.

Step on your small sister's foot, she will always open her mouth like a dustbin.