Family jokes
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.
What do grapes 🍇 love most about family?
Raisin kids!
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
Why do orphans never get 5 stars in GTA 5? Because they are not wanted!
Do you know what is good about being an orphan?
Every candy bar is family sized.
Go to an orphanage and tell the kids their parents came back as an April Fools' joke.
Do you know what dogs and orphans don't have in common?
Dogs get loved.
How do you make an orphan cry? Ask to go over to his house if his parents are OK with it.
My sister said that I need to stop with the audited butt:
I got it from her when I was born.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.
My dad died in 9/11, and that was the second worst thing that happened to me with a plane, next to Soul Plane.
Why do orphans sit in apple trees?
They wait to be picked.
Why couldn’t the orphan run away from home?
Because it didn’t have one.
Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.
Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.
Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.
Why doesn't the orphan have a nationality?
He doesn't have a motherland.
Who is Osama Bin Laden’s secret cousin? Barack Obama or Barack Osama Bin Laden?
My 1 year old nephew had a stroke. I know, sounds bad... but he would have needed to learn how to speak and walk anyways.
An orphan once said, "I will call my mum and go home."
A homeless kid once said he will go home.
What do you call a dude that is always high and gets higher than everyone else in the family? The alpha pothead!