You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.
Family Jokes
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
I will be back, I'm gonna get milk...
Me:...
Your mama's so ugly that when she looks in the mirror, you can see Micah.
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
What’s the difference between a fruit and an orphan? One gets chosen :)
My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.
What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?
Your dad.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
What can’t orphans do in baseball? Go to home.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?
Motherfuckers.
Why did the orphan become a criminal?
Because he wanted to actually be wanted.
Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.
Kids when they meet a kid out of home alone be like: “At least your mom came back!”
Why do orphans hate mitosis cells?
They have parents.
Why do orphans have an iPhone X?
Because there is no home button.
My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.
Why do orphans play GTA 5?
To get wanted!
