Family jokes

What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?

Motherfuckers.

Dad: I'm giving all your toys to the orphan kid.

Kid: Why, Dad?

Dad: So you don't get bored.

What actor does an orphan hate?

Vin Diesel.

What can’t orphans do in baseball? Go to home.

Why can orphans get away from the FBI?

Because they don't have a house.

Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.

I made a website for orphans.

Unfortunately, it doesn't have a home page.

Hippity hoppity, you are no one's property.

One time I tried running to home, but I forgot I don't have one, so I stayed at third.

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?

I go to get my mail.

Stranger: "Something fell out of your pocket! April fools!"

Me: "You're adopted, April fools!"

Then I see an orphan behind me and gets all excited.

Why does an orphan like home base? Because he doesn't have one.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

What type of phones do orphans have?

IPhone XR—it has no home button.

A young boy walked up to his dad and asked, "Daddy, why are you banned from coming to elementary school?"

The dad calmly replies, "Because that's how I met your mother."

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

Me: Dad, my phone is broken.

Dad: How?

Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.

Dad: Stupid.

What's one thing you'll never find in lost and found?

Your dad.

FUCK ME DADDY!!!!

My 3 year old sister kept saying, "I like your cut, G." Every time she does, I dodge and close my eyes, but she's the one who always ends up running.