Family jokes

Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"

If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.

Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.

Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?

Son: Ok dad.

AFTER TEST

Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?

Son: Son?

What's an orphan's least favorite film? Family Guy.

Yo mama is so fat, when she saw the Titanic, she called it small.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

I would make a dad joke, but I don't have a dad to joke about.

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."

What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)

Sister: I don't want to do it, but...

Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.

🎆 New Year's Eve

Lil Johnny👦: "Every year the same, people always have to start banging before midnight!"

Mom👱🏻‍♀️: "Johnny, would you please leave the bedroom now?"

Dad👨🏻‍🦰: "Son, if you don't leave, it'll bang on your head!"

Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.