Family jokes

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.

What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?

"Family strong, but not that strong."

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."

For this orphan, his dad didn't only go and get the milk. His mom did too.

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

Why are most dark jokes about orphans?

They can't complain to their parents.

Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.

How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?

None because they don't have a home.

Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause they don't have home games.

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

Why do orphans like to go to church?

Because they actually have a father there.

Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.

"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."

What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.

Visiting Alabama? Pop-up dating ads be like: "Never be lonely at cousinsonly.com."