Family jokes

"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."

Why do orphans like to go to church?

Because they actually have a father there.

Yo mama so fat, she is one of the boulders in Indiana Jones.

How many orphans does it take to screw a light bulb in there house?

None because they don't have a home.

Why do orphans miss half their basketball season? Cause they don't have home games.

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

Your mama is so fat that she took a picture at Christmas, and it's still downloading.

What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Home made cookies ;)

I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."

A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”

Sister: I don't want to do it, but...

Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.

What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

Mother: How is my little cookie doing?

Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.

Mother: Really?

Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.

Mother: 😁♥️🍪

What did the bull say to his son when he was going to school? "Bison!"

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

He waited for three hours to get an answer.

His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."