Family jokes

When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"

Why does Aaron always look depressed? Because his grandma's dead.

My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.

Boy: Why is my sister named Rose?

Dad: Someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head.

Boy: Okay, Dad.

Dad: No problem, Brick.

A hillbilly female has to decide if she would save her brother or her boyfriend. She chose both because her brother is her boyfriend.

Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.

In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.

As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says "No."

He asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"

He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

I think one of my dads might be gay.

Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.

If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.

My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?

Pregnant teen: I'm pregnant, my mum's gonna kill me.

Unborn baby: My mum's gonna kill me.

Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?

Son: Ok dad.

AFTER TEST

Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?

Son: Son?

Yo mama is so fat, when she saw the Titanic, she called it small.

What does one orphan say to another orphan on Opposite Day? "Do you want to go home?"

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.

What's an orphan's least favorite film? Family Guy.

Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.

Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?

Because the joke needs parental guidance.

Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.

I prank called someone saying, "SON! IT'S ME, SON! I'M COMING FOR YOU!!!" My friend next to me asked who I was calling, and I said, "the orphanage."