Family

Family jokes

Son

    • My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

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    • Pansexual

    • If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!

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    • Blowjob

    • I got home one day and a Spanish guy, white guy, black guy told me that your sister knows her meats.

    She won a trophy. We blindfolded her, then my sister said, "Yeah, I was blindfolded, and I gave all three of them blowjobs and I had to guess which flavor of the meat it was."

    The Trophy said Best Blowjobs. As a brother, I couldn't be prouder.

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    • Dog

    • So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

    About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

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    • Family memes

    Boyfriend

    • A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

    Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

    “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

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    • Father

    • There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.

    One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"

    "Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.

    "I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.

    "Are you mad?" The police asked.

    "Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.

    "Where's your brain?" Asked the police.

    "At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.

    Suicide

    • Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

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    • Suicide

    • My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes, and I replied with, "It's not that deep."

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