Family jokes
Why do orphans cry so much?
They can’t find a place to go.
Why can’t orphans have phones?
Because it has a home button!
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
What is the orphan's favorite toy from his parents?
They don’t have parents to pay for a toy.
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
Why can't the orphan play baseball?
Because he does not know where home is.
What does an iPhone have that orphans do not?
Home buttons.
Me: Hey, how are you?
Depression: I'm doing fine. We are just looking for a home :3
Insomnia: Mommy, can we get a home?
Anxiety: Insomnia, wait for mommy to finish.
Depression: Anyway, here is my resume!
Me: Okie, thank you. Ok... mhmmm... WOW! Okie, this is a nice resume! (Didn't Read it...)
Depression: Also, I have two more friends that want to move in too!
Me: Ok, and their names?
Depression: Their names are: PTSD and Trauma!
Me: Ok, they seem fine (Doesn't know about them)
Depression: Okie, here is the money (a penny :(). Thank you, we will call you if we need anything.
Me: Ok, see you soon! :3
Me now hates my life. :)
My grandfather said that ppl rely on technology too much these days, so I thought about what he said and decided to unplug his life support.
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.
When I feel ugly, I just look at my brother and get over it.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell them to clap til' their parents get home.
What's an orphan's least favorite day? Take your kid to work day.
Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.
Me: Sister, are you wearing makeup?
My sister wearing all the world's makeup.
Sister: Just a little.
"Knock, knock.""Who's there?""Not your dad."Random kid: "My dad went to get milk. My mom said he will be back soon."
I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.
Why are orphans so bad at dodge ball?
They don't have a home to run to.
Why do you let your dads sleep so they don't get grumpy and eat your dinner?