Family jokes
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
What's the worst TV series for orphans?
Family Guy.
What sexual position produces the ugliest kids? Ask your mum!
What's the difference between your dad and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
Where do orphans shop for home appliances?
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
What are two plus sides to being an orphan?
1. All your snacks are family sized.
2. No one can make jokes about your mama.
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
What's the difference between an orphan and a baseball player?
The baseball player knows where home base is.
Why can't orphans ride a bike?
'Cause their parents won't follow them.
Some people are such treasures that you sometimes just wanna bury them.
Why couldn’t the orphan play baseball?
He couldn’t get to home base.
Did you know an orphan is deeply religious because they can finally call someone "father."
I wanted to do something nice for my uncle, so I cleaned out the nice vase that was given at grandma's funeral. It had so much sand, I'm glad to help.
Why are orphans so bad at dodgeball?
Because nobody misses them.