Family jokes
What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan? The apples get picked.
Your sister: You're so ugly.
Me: But we look the same, so who's also ugly?
What do Spider-Man and orphans have in common?
There’s no way home.
Dr. Seuss dark jokes.
Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
Yo momma is so fat, when she tried to hang herself, the noose broke.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
I went to the dump truck today, and my wife said, "Thanks for visiting."
Why are orphans so bad at poker?
They don’t know what a full house looks like.
Doctor: I’m sorry, I can’t see you today.
Orphan: Oh, how about tomorrow?
Doctor: No, I can’t ever see you.
Orphan: Why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family physician.
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
Why don't orphans have any friends?
Because they don't have homies.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
I figure it's ok to hit orphans.
What are they gonna do? Go tell their parents?
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Yo mama so fat, she has to use pillowcases for socks.
Your hairline goes so far back your mom can't even reach it.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t get a home run.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.