Family jokes

Sister: You're adopted.

Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(

My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.

Why'd the orphan cross the road? He was told his parents were on the other side.

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they don’t know where home is.

What do an orphan's parents have in common with Nemo? They all can't be found.

Q: Can orphans hit a home run?

A: No, they don't know what it's like to have a home to run to.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and my uncle? Nothing, they both steal children.

My brother wanted to go fishing. I told him he had to learn how to "master bait". Go look it up on YouTube. Guess who is grounded?

Chuck Norris used to be an orphan.

Because some families were too scared of his bravery to adopt him.

I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."

I went up to my mom and asked how humanity started. She said it started with monkeys, so I went up to my dad and asked. My dad said it all started with Adam and Eve, so I told my dad that mom said humanity started with monkeys, and dad said mom was telling her side of the story. LOL🤣

Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.

When you’re fucking your boss and realize it’s a family business.

Son: Hey Dad, what's an alcoholic?

Dad: Well son, do you see those 4 cars? An alcoholic would see 8.

Son: Dad, there are only 2 cars.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to find their dad again.

So Kenny finally found his one true love.

But he can't be with her because it's illegal to marry your sister.

Johnny is walking along, and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, "Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?"

The priest says, "Because I'm a father."

Johnny says, "Yeah? Well, my old man's got three kids, and he don't wear his collar backwards."

The priest says, "You don't understand, son. I have thousands of children."

Johnny says, "You should wear your fuckin' trousers backwards."

A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.