Family jokes

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?

You better not lay a finger on her!

Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?

They don't know what a house is.

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."

Student: "That’s sad."

Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"

Student: "Your parents."

There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful cunt sat in his wheelchair all day.

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"

What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?

Super Smash Bros.

Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.

My dad coming back.

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.

I once told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man because he is far from home.

So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."