Family jokes

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?

They're both "sweet home Alabama."

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.

Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.

I had a fun funeral / birthday.

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?

You better not lay a finger on her!

Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?

They don't know what a house is.

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

I once told an orphan his dad is Spider-Man because he is far from home.

There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.

Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."

Student: "That’s sad."

Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"

Student: "Your parents."

My dad coming back.

Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.

Why is an iPhone X perfect for an orphan? Because it doesn't have a home button.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?

Super Smash Bros.

I got my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful cunt sat in his wheelchair all day.