Family jokes

When you go to your friend's house to fuck her brother, but realize he's your brother from your mom's side.

My mom said the happier a person is when sick, the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital, hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

So I heard Kenny's mom got moved to a nursing home.

He'll probably leave her alone now.

He doesn't eat vegetables.

So there's a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says, "Step on a crack and you break your mother's back." The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother's back breaking.

The little girl's father looks in terror, she then says, "Step on a line and you break your father's spine." The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out "OW MY SPINE!" The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.

Son: Mom, can I borrow $50?

Mom: What? NO WAY! Do you think money grows on trees?

Son: Mom, what is money made of?

Mom: Paper.

Son: Where does paper come from?

Mom: . . .

A father and three sons are renovating a house when a wall of that house collapses and breaks the father's back. Keeping calm, he tells the sons, "Well, I guess this is what you would call back-breaking labor." He chuckled, then passed out from pain.

Went to my friend's house, fucked his sister.

I had a fun funeral / birthday.

What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?

They're both "sweet home Alabama."

I love bullying orphans. Who are they gonna tell? Their parents?

What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister?

You better not lay a finger on her!

Mom, can I please go out and play?

... no answer.

Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?

They don't know what a house is.

Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"

There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.

Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?

"Because his dad never brought the milk."

Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."

Student: "That’s sad."

Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"

Student: "Your parents."

What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.

Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?

It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.

I still remember my grandpa's last words, "Stop wobbling the ladder, you cunt!"

What do you call a group of brothers who fuck one another?

Super Smash Bros.