Family jokes

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

Why did the orphan go to church?

It was because he was looking for someone to call "Father."

Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.

Dad: Well, how do you know?

Son: I found the adoption papers.

Dad: That is for your mum.

If you know, you know.

What's worse than ants in your pants?

Your uncle.

Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?

Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.

Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.

Why did the orphan go to church?

To hear some "foster" parenting advice.

Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"

Why are most absent dads mechanics?

They like to nut and bolt.

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.

I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"

He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."

Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.

Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.

What movie do all orphans find relatable?

Spiderman: No Way Home.

What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?

The Mikey Jackson club.

How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?

M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N

Q: Do you know why orphans rob banks?

A: Because it's a guarantee they'll be wanted afterwards.