Family jokes

What do you call an orphan's family reunion?

Me time.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

Me: Wanna play a game?

Sister: Ya, what is it?

Me: Tic tac toe.

Sister:?

Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.

Me: Tic tac toe.

I went over to a crying child and said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at an orphanage!

"Dad? What's dark humor?" "See that man with no arms over there, son, tell him to clap." "But daddy, I'm blind."

Yo mama so fat, when she bought a fur coat, she made a whole species extinct.

Why do orphans always have the newest iPhone?

Because it doesn’t have a home button.

What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

What’s an orphan's favorite drink?

Fosters.

Do trees pee?

How else do we have No. 1 pencils?

My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"

Me "OH NO" 💀

What do orphans be on Halloween?

They be themselves.

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?

Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!

What do you call an 18 year old orphan?

Homeless.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.