Family jokes

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.

What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?

Family Feud.

I went to my sister's room one day. I saw a trophy, so I asked my sister how she won it. My sister said the neighbors gave it to her because she gave out the best hand jobs in the neighborhood. I guess my sister put her hands to good use.

What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?

They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."

My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.

What do you call the worst joke ever?

Well, according to my mom, I am.

Why can't an orphan play baseball or softball?

They can't find home. 🤣

A woman walks onto the bus with her child. The driver says, "That's the ugliest child I have ever seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, "Go say something back. Here, I'll hold your monkey for you!"

My parents told me I was born on the highway.

Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

Why are orphans not boomerangs? Because they never come back.

I was reading the news and read that a kid killed his family, and when they interviewed him, he said he wanted to become Batman.

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

Yo mama's so stupid, when I told her that she lost her mind, she went looking for it.

When my dad left, he said he would bring back the milk, but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him, and he said, "I used all the milk to make your sister."

Orphans are the best targets for bullying, since who are they gonna cry to? Their parents?