Family jokes

What’s the difference between an orphan and a tomato?

The tomato gets picked.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.

I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Joker gives Batman a phone.

Thomas: "Uhh, son, we need to talk... about the uhh, dressing up."

Martha: "Hello dearie, Brucie, is it ok if you visit me when you go to Joker's house?"

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

What's the difference between Nemo and my dad?

Nemo was eventually found.

Teacher: "I'll call your mother."

Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."

What did the person say to the orphan?

"Where are your parents?"

What do orphans be on Halloween?

They be themselves.

I saw an orphan in the grocery store and asked him, "Where's your mom?" and he cried. Why?

What is an orphan's favorite movie?

Home Alone.

I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.

Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.