What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.
Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.
I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.
Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.
Why does an orphan always get out in baseball?
Because he can't run home.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
Are you depressed? Go punch an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
I wanted to make a joke about homework, but sadly, I'm an orphan.
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
Yo mama so old, her birth certificate expired.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son’s dick.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
Today I got a lecture from my mother, and congratulated her. Why?
Because she managed not to damage me in a physical fashion.
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on Mother's Day...
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
I farted in my grandma's breathing machine.
How did your dad come back with the milk? The Milky Way.
Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."
What do you call an orphan's family reunion?
Me time.
