Family jokes

Your momma is so ugly, the director thought she was a real zombie.

I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”

Why did the orphan rob the bank?

To be wanted.

What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?

The apples get picked.

There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.

What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?

They both sprout water.

Why can't orphans go to homecoming? Because they don't have a home to go to.

I got a GTR yesterday, now my kids say, "GTR we there yet?"

What’s the worst thing to happen to an orphan?

Well, they weren’t always orphans.

I went to my girlfriend's house one day in Alabama when I met her brother. He said, "Well, I guess there's no more you stuck in the dryer."

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

Hello, I am Ren, sister of Gwen.

My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.

Why did he kill himself?

Because he is adopted to a fat man who farts.

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

Little Johnny and his mom were sitting in church one day when suddenly Johnny said, "Mom, I think I'm gonna throw up!"

Then his mom said, "Go across the field and into the bushes, hopefully no one will see you there."

Johnny comes back a minute later, and his mom asks, "Did you make it?" Then Johnny said, "No, but there was a box by the door that SAID 'For The Sick!'"

What's the best competition to do with an orphan?

Which orphan had their parent for the longest?

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

GURL

Why does an orphan like The Beatles? Because it's family friendly.