Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potato's." *SMACK*! mother slapped mark. She then asked suzie, "what would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatos" said suzie *SMAACK*! she slapped suzie. "Ok. Johnny, what would you like to eat?" Well.... I sure as hell dont want no fucking potatos.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them
I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
What did the twin towers mom say when she fed them, open wide honey here comes the air plane
Daughter: Dad
Dad: Yes honey
Daughter: Im Lesbian
Dad: Ok
Daughter 2: Dad
Dad: Yes?
Daughter 2: Im lesbian too
Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here
Son: I do...
Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"
Genie: "Wish granted!"
When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.
How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.
Father: “Son, you were adopted.”
Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!”
Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes.”
A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, "your adopted" the sister yells back, "At least they wanted me!"
my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked "where is your sister", and i said in line to get crushed.
Teacher: Ok class I'm going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don't worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.
April Fool's joke: Go to an orphanage and tell them, "Their parents came back."
"Knock knock." Orphan: "Who's there?" "Not your parents."
My mom told me its not healthy to stay in my room all day....but the only places I’m allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.
Orphan boy: "Your dad is probably disappointed in you. I mean, look at you." Me: "Well, at least my parents kept me. Where are yours?"
Why can't orphans watch PG movies? Because they are parental guidance.
These jokes are fun for the whole family to enjoy.
What song do orphans hate the most? "We are family."
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
Why do people in Alabama always swipe left on Tinder?
Because they aren't family!
