Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
Family Jokes
Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰
I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."
My grandpa has a world record for holding his breath. He's been holding it for 6 years.
When you send nudes to your Roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone...
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
