Family jokes
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
My child: "Dad, am I beautiful?"
Me: "You’re like the sun, sweetie. You’re painful to look at."
What is a similarity between a pregnant 14-year-old and the fetus inside of her?
They both are thinking, "Shit! Mom is gonna kill me!"
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."
Why do orphans go to church? Because they can finally call someone "father."
What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.
Why can orphans travel around so much? They never get homesick.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.
When your crush walks in class but you're homeschooled...
What do you call a group of redneck superheroes?
The Inbredibles.
I hate family reunions.
I see too many of my ex's there.
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
The puppies actually get adopted.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians? Because they can’t find the motherboard.
I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either since 2005.
One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."