Family jokes

Why can't orphans go on school trips?

"Parents signature _________"

What did the Twin Towers' mom say when she fed them? "Open wide honey, here comes the airplane."

When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.

Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"

Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."

Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."

Dad: "Exactly, son."

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he'd be fine and it'd only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?

Hookers come back.

Well, I'm off to the orphanage to tell "yo mama" jokes.

Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.

Why did the orphan become a prostitute? They wanted someone to call "daddy."

How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

Kid: "I wish I could be like Batman!"

Genie: "Wish granted!"

When the kid gets home, both of his parents are dead.

Father: "Son, you were adopted."

Son: "What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!"

Father: "We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20 minutes."

Daughter: Dad.

Dad: Yes honey?

Daughter: I'm lesbian.

Dad: Ok.

Daughter 2: Dad.

Dad: Yes?

Daughter 2: I'm lesbian too.

Dad: God, does anyone like boys around here?

Son: I do...

My mom told me to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

Teacher: Ok class, I'm going to ask a question about your family.

Alex: Miss, my Dad died in 9/11.

Teacher: OH NO, I'M SO SORRY!

Alex: Don't worry miss. It was only Dad and besides, he did what he wanted before he died.

Teacher: What was that?

Alex: Flew the plane.

My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."

What do incest families do on Halloween?

Pumpkin.