Cousins on the streets means lovers in the sheets😂👀
Knock Knock! Who's their? It's Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
Why do orphans play Minecraft? So they can at least build a home.
A kid annoyed me the other day. I told him to shut up and go back to his parents. That's the last time I'm going to an orphanage.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine
A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.
After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”
“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
Two wrongs don't make a right, take your parents as an example.
What happened to the blind man's son. He thought he was hitting a pinyata.
Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That's means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.
A cemetery should be built next to orphanages, so the orphans can see their parents.
the last thing i told my ex after we broke up was “at least we’re still cousins”😂
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
Teenager: OMG, I’m prego, my moms gonna kill me Baby: Lmao, same
Teacher: Describe a penguin
Student: Black, White, Beak
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, No family
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: "Well...We're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny's father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" HIs father is confused. "What do you mean?" He asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
so i was on the phone with a scam caller, he said he knew where i lived and would kill my children and wife jokes on him i already did.
The F in orphan stands for family... oh wait.
My aunt's star sign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died. -- She was eaten by a giant crab.