Family jokes
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"
The Son: "Because milk is important."
The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"
The Boy: "Who?"
The Man: "Your mom?"
The Boy: "I don't have a mom."
The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."
The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
Ur mom gay, ur dad lesbian.
This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult, "I know the whole truth," they will be all weird. So he went home and told his mom, "I know the whole truth," and she gave him $20 and said to keep quiet.
Pleased, when his dad got home, he said, "I know the whole truth," and his dad gave him $40 and said, "Don't tell Mom." Really pleased, he met the mailman the next day and said, "I know the whole truth." Then the mailman got down on his knee, opened his arms, and said, "Come to daddy."
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"