I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.
My dad and cancer go into a fight. I never saw my dad after that.
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?
My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.
You'd think my son would be happy that Daddy bought him a new bike. But no... oh no, he just sits in his wheelchair and cries like a little girl.
The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"
The Son: "Because milk is important."
The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"
The Boy: "Who?"
The Man: "Your mom?"
The Boy: "I don't have a mom."
The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."
The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
My mum touched my friend, but she wasn’t the she’s only 12.
What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?
My dad came back!
What’s the difference between me and cancer?
My dad didn’t beat cancer.
Friend: I have the eye of the tiger.
Me: So what? I have the balls of a gorilla.
Parents: We can't come back to the zoo next week!
Why do orphans hate going to Costco? Because they need a parent to get samples.
Why can't an orphan go on away games?
Their parent will never show up!
The greatest bond you will ever have is the one with your conjoined twin.
What is the difference between a refrigerator and a baby?
The refrigerator doesn't cry when I put my meat in it.
What's the difference between my phone and my sister?
I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
A 6-year-old girl decides to get baptized. She walks into the water of the river. Unfortunately, the pastor was drunk. The pastor put her in the water and dunked her under. The drunken man then forgot to bring her up from the water. The poor girl drowned and died...
Later on, when the pastor was better and thrown in jail, all he had to say to the mortified family was, “Well, at least she’s in heaven!”
Necrophilia in Alabama is fun for the whole family, even grandma.
