Family

Family jokes

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My dad told me that his dreams were shattered a few years ago.

Then I asked him how many years ago.

He replied with, "When were you born?"

You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?

Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

Son: "Nah, mostly men."

Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

Person 1: How the freak did you get in my house?!?! I locked the door!!!

Person 2: But I'm your mom... I have a key. You dumbass.

I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.

When you send a dick pic and she sends one back,

I'm glad mine is the biggest, so I get to fuck my dad again.

"I'm not sure why my girlfriend's father doesn't like me."

"What was your first impression on him?"

"I told him, she calls me daddy too."

What do you call a blonde in a freezer?

Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.

I asked my uncle why he was living on the streets.

He said that he wasn't always on the streets, he used to have a job at these two towers. I asked him what happened, and he said two planes happened.

What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

My stepdad beat my ass before he left.

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."

Roses are red, I failed my test, All because of Hugh and his incest.

What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?

They can both do dirty things.

I was arrested for eating too much crack on accident. How?

My sister came into my room shoving her ass in my face.